Don't know about tonight...

My depression is increasing every day.
I feel it eating away at me.
My texts aren't working either.
So even though I'm in a room full of people as I blog... I can't even begin to describe how empty I am.
I'm tired of liars.
Tired of broken promises.
I thought I could do this on my own. And I can't.
I don't think I'm strong enough to make it through until April.
Much less strong enough to make it through tonight alone....
I'm surrounded by loud gunfire...
What is this game...?
Uncharted.
They wanted me to play, but after a few minutes I could barely move my hands.
I'm miserable.
Why doesn't anyone tell me they love me...?
Does anyone love me?
Am I just another face...?
I hear repetitive scratching to my left.... Someone scribbling on a piece of paper. I know this girl doesn't like me. I know that. I also know that she's not actually drawing anything. She's literally just scratching the paper with the pencil. It's like she knows it's setting me off.
I'm being paranoid.
She couldn't know.
No one here knows.

The cat next to me sleeps funny.
Sleeps like a dog.
But his tongue sticks out of his mouth because of something in his mouth.
I don't remember what.
Poor cat.
I'm disoriented.
I can't think.
I'm glad I didn't drive.
I think that I would have driven myself off a cliff. Or... What do they have out here...?
Sand dune.
I would have plowed into a dirt hole.
I would almost go as far as saying I'd like to jump in a frozen pond.
Break the top ice,
And get stuck underneath.
I'd like to freeze, become numb...
and slip away.

I won't, of course. This is just fantasy.
I should probably get back to the game.
They've lost. Multiple times.
I wish I could move.
I'll blog later.

I hate myself for writing this blog.

I can honestly say that I despise myself for writing this blog post today. I really do. 
I hate what I'm inevitably going to talk about, and I hate what I'm doing right now. All in all, I'm mad at myself for even touching on this subject, because I don't want everyone.......
scratch what I was about to say.
I don't want to admit to myself that I feel this way.
I feel weak.
And I know I'm not, but that's how I feel. 


So let's get this party started. 
I'm just going to go on this long rant, so if you don't feel like hearing it, you can go. It's going to be long.


I hate people. I hate everything that's considered human. 
I hate men.
I hate women.
I hate gossip,
liars,
bitches,
drama,
old people,
little children that scream in the grocery store.
I hate everything human.


Why?


Because humans as a whole, are narcissistic bastards. Self obsessed, egotistical, catty, assholes.
Self serving,
self pleasing,
always wondering "what's in it for you"
assholes.
No one takes the time to think about how any of their actions are going to affect anyone around them.
Case and point, 
RELATIONSHIPS.
I hate relationships, you know why? They lead you to believe a lie. 
Men especially. 
Girls are more influenced by their emotions, and how it makes them feel. 
(Not necessarily the other person. Women wont hurt someone because they don't want to feel guilty. )
But men...
more interested in thinking with the hose between their legs.
At the beginning of this blog, I was sad. I'll admit. I'm thinking of how I've been repetitively FUCKED over by people. 
And I'm not sad anymore. 
I'm mad. 


I put my heart and soul into trying. I have. I make sure people know their worth to me, and it's obvious that I don't mean shit to any of you. 
Does anyone even read this fucking blog??
No?
Didn't fucking think so. 
Why...?
Oh right, you're all too busy waiting for the next available cum-bucket to meander in front of you.


It's funny... I wonder how many of you had sex today. How many of you are fucking over people who care about you, because you're not thinking. 
Cheating?
Oh remember, that's okay these days.
The words "I love you".
No, those 3 words don't mean shit. 
It's space filler for a conversation.


Call me old fashioned, but I thought you actually had to SHOW someone you loved them if you said you did. 
Talk is cheap.












I sent a text earlier, talking about how you never know if it's going to be your last day on earth. 
You never know if you'll never wake up.
So don't you think,
that if you ACTUALLY
love someone,
you should let them know?
You might never see them again.
They could die tonight in their sleep.
You might never see the person you "love" again.
But have you told them you love them?
No?
That's crazy.
You're taking that chance.
What if they're kidnapped.
What if they're suicidal right now?


DID YOU EVER


CONSIDER, 


THAT MAYBE THE PERSON YOU SAID YOU LOVED, IS SITTING ALONE IN THEIR ROOM, 


CRYING,


WONDERING IF IT'S EVEN WORTH IT TO BE AROUND TOMORROW.


DID YOU EVER STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT?


NO.


YOU'RE SITTING HERE.


READING THIS.


WHERE'S THE PERSON YOU LOVE.


WHY AREN'T THEY WITH YOU.


YOU MIGHT NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, 


YET YOU'RE BROWSING AROUND THE INTERNET.




Some people have too much pride.


Like, say you love your ex.


But you wont admit you love them, or talk to them, because your pride is holding you back.


Again, back to the "ALL ABOUT ME" shit.


Think about this.


YOU
MIGHT
NEVER
SEE
THEM
AGAIN.






EVER.




Why don't they know you love them? They could die in the next 2 minutes. 
If they aren't with you,
why aren't you on the phone with them?


If you actually love someone,
make sure you let them know. 
Every second of every day.
Don't fuck around, and mess with people's hearts. Because everyone deserves to be loved. 
And being a player, 
starting drama,
keeping hold of your pride,
is going to end up costing you more than anyone else.




I'm fucking sick of humanity. Do you guys honestly realize how messed up you are?
How narcissistic, 
and unrealistic you all are?
I think you don't fully understand the situation.

STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOU LOVE THEM IF YOU DON'T.


STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOU CARE, 


IF YOU DON'T.


STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH PEOPLE'S HEARTS.


STOP BEING WHORES. 


STOP BEING PLAYERS.


I'm sick of how you all go about relationships like it's a game. Fuck that.
It's not.
In a study, it says that it takes half the time you dated a person to get over them completely.


So say you dated for a year. 


You have 6 months of solitude,
before you return to the dating game with a fresh head.


And half the time is the minimum.


So why are you guys running around having little makeout parties right after you've broken up with someone?
It's shallow.
Ever heard of a rebound?
You're messing with your own head and heart.


DON'T PRETEND IT DOESN'T HURT SOMEONE.


I'm so sick. 
It honestly disgusts me how you can be this way. 
Ugh.
















































SO I'm going to go to bed now. 
I'm going to lay in my bed and rip myself apart some more, 
wondering how anyone could be that cruel,
much less everyone.

Humanity sucks. 
Goodnight, everyone. I'm sorry... tomorrow will be happier. 


Goodnight. 

I just don't quit do I.

PlayerNow, I said I would blog every day.  So damn it, here's my blog tonight.
I'm on my phone... Downloaded the blogger app.
It's easy enough to use, but my thumb is beginning to hurt.
Yes, I do own a computer. Laptop, actually. But my mom made me leave that at home, so I didn't disturb family time on Christmas Eve. And I'm glad I didn't bring it. Look at me. Why would I possibly need a computer here? Ohhhh right. I blog.
My thumb seriously hurts. I've been quite the busy bee today.
Wrapping presents... Buying presents... Opening the pajamas present.
( We get pajamas every year the night before Christmas. )
I got my brother a touch screen mp3 player. Yeahh... I'm the best sister ever.
You know... When I was little, Christmas was magical. I would wake up at the crack of dawn, ready to fight anyone who stood between me and my wrapped boxes. But now....
I'm already laying in bed, just waiting to get this over with. My brother keeps hinting about video games for me. I know we're getting a flat screen.... But damn. I used to set cookies out. Now I eat pie and go to bed.
No excitement.
I guess I'm just lame like that.
Actually, I feel like sharing a story.
So...

When I was in 2nd grade, my only wish for christmas was a sleigh ride. That's it. I set out my jacket... Pants... Boots. I was ready for santa to wake me up and take me.
Of course... Santa never came. I got a letter, telling me he couldn't take me because I wasn't allowed to see him.
A few weeks later, when school started again, my mom picked me up.
I don't remember why she was so mad, but when I mentioned santa's letter, she told me that santa wasn't real. I remember crying in the backseat.

See, that seems to be the tale of my life though. I wish for something... I want it so bad... I invest my heart and soul into it, and then find out later that I was deceived. No fun.
Ahhhh... But no depressing blogs tonight.
The morning's coming fast.
Get some sleep everyone.

Goodnight (:

You scream illiterate.

You know when you get into an argument with someone...

online,

over a game,

or in person...

and you find yourself being more bothered with the fact that they don't even make sense, rather than the fact that they're arguing with you?

Is it just me?

I find myself more obsessed with the fact that I can't even understand their thought train, more than what they're trying to defend. 

Maybe that makes me an asshole? I don't know. 

What I do know, is that I extremely enjoy toying with them. It's so funny to see someone's "logic" shot down with your own. To listen to them studder, get so angry, and then try to turn it on you is amazing. 

I actually think that the best arguments, are with the people who are trying to seem deep.

You know exactly what I mean. 

I can tell by your face.

They're the same people who write those "criptic" facebook statuses, trying to sound like they've got some sort of life lesson for the world. 

When in all reality, their statements rarely actually make sense.

Usually when I come across someone like this, I try to keep the argument going as long as possible, just to see them contradict themselves. 

Example.

Them: Life is a certain mystery. No one should be judged... I believe all people are created equal. One life is all you have, and I'm going to make the most of my misery. I'm a poet inside, I need to escape. Which reminds me, I saw a weird gay kid at the mall today who was singing a song he wrote to me. Awkward. 

Me: I think it's funny how you preach about equality, and then label a homosexual man in the mall. Contradiction, much?

Them: I'm not labeling him, I'm just saying that he needs to stop being such a weirdo. Like, I don't want to be a part of his sinful nature. 

Me: Skipping across the fact that you are ridiculously homophobic, you also completely contradicted yourself in the same status. You say that everyone is created equal, which would mean that you're no better than he is. Whoever he was, props to him for being brave enough to sing in a mall. Takes guts. Get off your high horse.

Them: Quit it bitch. You dnt know me. 

Me: That was good. You're excellent at comebacks my dear. Also, I think you meant to say "don't". Am I right? Darn, I thought they taught spelling in school these days. 

Them: I don't have to use punctuayshun on facebook. It's the internet. You also don't know anything about me or where i come from. i will rip you apart, bitch.

Me: Punctuation*. (: It's obvious that you're a lost cause. Have a good day.

Them: Whatever ho I slept with your boyfriend last night ;) 

Me: I'm single, and lesbian. Good day, madam. 

I also love it when the person starts calling names and cussing. It's obvious that you're too illiterate to have a decent conversation... but please. Now show everyone that you're a fool as well. 

I run circles around people like this. 

(Like the meme... mind = BLOWN. )

What is it I said earlier to Nolan...

"I'm like a giraffe in a goat race". 

And I am. 

I feel like it's just common sense... but it seems to me, that a bunch of people turn to the "I slept with your boyfriend" claim. 

And I'm single. 

I'm only half lesbian. 

Besides.... that makes you sound like a ( what is it.... ) "ho". 

And in the spirit of christmas, I can honestly say, I welcome the Ho Ho Ho's. 

Because honey, if you come to me acting like this, you're giving me the best present of all. 

Pride in knowing I'm not an idiot. (:

Have a good night everyone. Happy Christmas Eve.  

The title of this blog was going to be funny and ironic, until I thought it seemed too cliche.

The title of this blog was going to be "A burning hot snow day". But then I thought to myself... "Oh God... what am I doing? How ridiculous could I be to put that. Not only am I contradicting myself. But it would be stupid".
And it would have been. Although, I don't think that this title's any better. Actually... this one might be worse. 


Mood: Avoiding myself... and I have a headache. 


I refuse to do the "where I am" section anymore... because the answer never changes. I'm on my bed. If something ever changes, I'll be sure to let you know. 


I didn't do anything today. And I can say that with a clean conscience, because I only left this bed to devour a hot pocket. It's not 100% my fault though. I know I would have gone out to be with friends if it were a regular night... but seeing as the snow reaches my knee at the minimum... I wont be going anywhere. 
I also got an early christmas present. Gloves, a scarf, a Starbuck's gift card, and a few candies. It's what... 2 days until christmas? 
I feel like it's January. 
Also... I think I'm supposed to die next year. Something about 2012. 
Haha.... but of course, I continue blogging. Because if I actually thought I was going to die in about a year, I wouldn't be here. I'd be somewhere else. You know... living it up.
But with fingers crossed, I must tell you about my day.
I played online, mostly. 
Okay... 
entirely.
Started meandering around a site called gaiaonline.com.
Which is basically a site to make an avatar, and roam a cyber city. 
Race cars.
Build cars,
show OFF your cars,
sit on your cars,
and play with cars.
Did I mention you could play with cars?
Oh.
The downside being... Oh hell with it, there's a lot of downsides.
The cars are all the same model.
The 40 year old pedobears, and the 13 year old trolls make it ridiculously hard to focus on sitting there and looking pretty. 
My character even has pink hair. How amazing am I.
Nolan and I decided we'd troll through it ourselves, and made it our goal to almost annoy the hell out of random characters of our choosing.  
Worked just fine, thank you.
Nothing I love more than pissed off kiddos and secret pedos.
(If you sing that last sentence, it sounds better. )


That's really all I did. That... and I changed my clothes a couple hundred times. 
Gotta look good, to impress the preteenies.
And I skyped with Nolan. 
Actually... I'm keeping him up right now, and I'm still skyping him. He refuses to go to sleep until I finish blogging. 
God knows why.
Something about reading it?
But who does that anymore. 
No one likes blogs. 
And no one writes them.
It's like a dead language. (;


Ahhhh... So to make sure he doesn't pass out, I'm going to go now. It's almost 3 am... 
Have a good night everyone.
And have a good night nolan, god damn you. (:

I couldn't hear you over the gunfire... Sorry.

Word to the wise... if you call me while I'm playing Black Ops... and all you hear in the background is shooting... It might be good if you called me back later. 
Not only will you not get a straight answer from me, ( no matter what question you ask... )
I'll get slightly annoyed.
If there's gunfire... I'm busy.
If there's loud subs in the background, I'm busy.
If there's yelling, 
cussing,
screaming,
laughing,
fighting,
crying...
IN THE BACKGROUND,
I
AM
BUSY.


And see, I'm not busy often. But you can't get mad at me, when I don't respond to you. I seriously am fully concentrating on whatever I happen to be playing at the time.


So after that mini rant, I suppose I'll tell you about my day. 


Mood: Tired, happy.
Where I am: ( I'm going to delete this section... I'm always on my bed. )


Today was extremely boring. I can't honestly say that I did anything life impacting or amazing. I was lazy for the most part. I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 4 while I cleaned my room, and then uploaded a video to youtube, that you can watch


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Here <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


And I took a shower. Was on skype for a bit afterwards, and got myself together around 8:30pm to go out and do what I always do...
play video games. 
That seems to be my whole life recently. Especially Black Ops.
Although... I played the new Assassin's Creed Revelations tonight as well... And I have to admit, I'm a bit upset that you can't play it split screen. ( No fun. )
I also didn't like the limited mobility I had throughout the start of the game. I would have preferred to have a larger area to find and assassinate my targets. It would have made the hunt better. But it really doesn't feel too different from the other AC's.  Same shit, different disk.
But the fun part of tonight, was the mini snow fight Will and I had in my front lawn. Of course... I started the whole thing. I kicked a giant snow drift at him, and he returned the favor. 
I honestly don't like snow very much. 
It's cold... wet.
I like the way it looks, but DAMN.
Do I need to risk the possibility of having my fingers turn black and fall off to witness it's beauty?
Ugh.
I really feel irritated now. 
I feel lost. 
And I can feel my depression sliding it's fingers across my throat. Waiting to choke me.... so I better go to sleep. Amazingly enough, this was my whole day. Like I said... I don't do anything. 
Goodnight everyone.

Where are all my trolls?

Since I already put myself on the burn list of 2 popular sub-cultures in our society,
( The emos and mitten wearing thugs... )
I might as well hate on some more groups that surround me in my every day life.
Hmm... let's start with some cyber goths.


If you don't know what a cyber goth is, good. It means you haven't had a voodoo doll made after you. You're safe. But just to explain it, it's a group that's almost like goths... but it's got a techno twist on it. 
Like, instead of raving, they do this thing called "industrial" dancing. It's like the longboard of skateboarding. If you can't ride a skateboard, do something like it, but pretend that it's been your main intention the entire time.
Cyber goth's look almost exactly like regular goths, but with fake dreadlock extensions.
(Oh quit pretending that shit is real. We all know it's not. )
They wear trip pants... trip skirts...
And those fluffies.
( Like what the ravers wear... those furry boots? But god forbid they wear something pastel colored. )
( Again, screaming knockoff. You're welcome to argue with me about this. )
They go about, hating their lives. Worshiping the devil... hating on the dreadful happy children of the sun.
I can't honestly say I know much about them... I mean, I guess I'd have to be a daughter of the night to really know, hmm? Maybe it's time for a social experiment. 
On the other hand though... they don't like outsiders. So I guess I'm S.O.L. on this one.
I'll post some links for you guys like


this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> INDUSTRIAL DANCING, for the win. Or loss? You decide.

AND THIS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> She's 100% original guys. Don't you ever judge her or think she's weird. She's normal. A child of the dark. You preps wouldn't understand.

Basically, if you want to be cyber goth,
(of course, you can be born this way, but you want to be a wannabe cyber goth, )
You have to mess up your haircut beyond repair.
And I'm not talking a bit off the ends. 
I mean, you seriously cut that shit off. 
If your bangs are longer than your pinkie finger, you have some serious issues. 
Poseur.
And if you happen to be a cyber goth MALE, You better make sure your makeup is better than your girlfriend's. I would hate to see you have some natural eyebrows. So "jumping on the bandwagon".




Of course, I'm not just going to hate on emos, mitten wearing thugs (anybody have one word name for them??) and cyber goths. 
Oh no.
I'm going balls deep.
Let's get down and dirty and talk about something..
well...
dirty.
Because if you're hipster, taking a shower is OUT OF THE QUESTION. ( See hipster girls here. )
A true hipster, ( if you didn't already know. ) is someone who does everything "abnormally".
So if the current trend is contacts, you be sure to wear some of your "prescription" glasses. Because we all know you can't see without those. Especially those lens-punched-out 3D glasses. Not only do you look completely out of the ordinary in those... you're also making a statement to the world that says;
"Yeah, I wear glasses while I sleep. Because I don't live by societies rules". 
Hipsters are also known as those "one up" people. 
You can spot one by yelling into a crowd; "I like Phish".
And I'm sure you'll get at least one flannel wearing douchebag to approach you with the header, "I liked that first", as they take a deep drag from their natural made cigarette, and wear a deep, thoughtful look on their face. Because after all, the world is amazingly puzzling. And we should all take the time to assess every
god
damn
detail
of
everything
we come across. 
To a hipster, everything has a deeper meaning. And god help you if you find yourself trying to break up with someone who's converted into a hipster. Not only will you be ending a relationship, but you'll be causing a global catastrophe, because one negative attitude in the world, and mother nature throws a fit. Don't you know?? That's why we have hurricanes, disease, and poverty. Because mother nature is upset with the way we treat her and each other.
One love, bitches.
( By the way, I liked bob marley first. Before you did. )










I'm going to hell.


I also wanted to talk about one more social group for the night... and that would be scene kids.
Of course, most scene kids now, have converted to hipsterism. But there's those few to refuse to make the well needed change to hipsterville. Because honestly, Being a hipster in my book is considered one step up from scene. 
Scene kids are like, colorful emo kids. Just... with more hairspray and fake hair. I can't tell you the number of times I'll be walking through a grocery store, and I smell ( yes, smell. ) a scene kid from 6 isles down. These kids wear the small skinny jeans and ridiculous band tees too. But the difference is, that they actually try to make the t-shirts the same color as their hair. Which has been dyed a couple hundred times. Besides the fact that they look like they put a bale of blue and black straw on their head, ( hidden by some beanie signed by Black Veil Brides. ) (  Black veil brides... for those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about. )  they wear oversized jewelry, that makes even the biggest woman look like an oompa loompa. 
And can we talk about that hair. 
If you were meant to have poofy hair like that, you would have been born in Florida. ( Thank you humidity... I'll save that story for another time. )
But thank you for taking it upon yourself to build a nest in your hair. I'm sure the birds appreciate it. Save the earth, man. 
I also want to mention that the bows that they wear are absolutely outrageous. Nothing is as big a turn on, as a fake felt piece of sparkle in that nest you call hair. I can't even describe how hot that is.
They also have 'scene kings' and 'queens'. Which is basically another way to say that they have idols who look worse than they do. Nothing, and you can quote me on this...
is attractive about fake everything.
If you have fake hair,
fake nails,
fake faces,
fake clothes,
and fake personalities... you are already considered fake. So don't go off on those little teenieboppers who try to "be like you". Because you're nothing original. You're also nothing like barbie, so please stop adding that to the end of your name on Facebook. 

That and gore, vanity, brutality, bestiality, star, cannibal, acid,

Affliction

Alarming

Amphetamine

Ammoniac

Arson

Accident

Asylum

Angelbites

Beastly

Bitchin

Botox

Bleeding

Blaze

Blade

Bloody

Blitzkrieg

Bones

Bleak

Core

California

Catastrophe

Cryptic

Cancer

Corpse

Caged

Caffeine

Caliber

Cadaver

Chaos

Chainsaw

Clandestine

Crestfallen

Cemetary

Cocaine

Disaster

Danger

Dammit

Darkness

Damage

Deadly

Decay

Deceit

Demonic

Derailed

Destruction

Devotion

Dissection

Entropy

Electrocute

Eyeliner

Epitaph

Ember

Elegiac

Emergency

Exhilarant

Explosive

Eruption

Ecstasy

Forlorn

Famous

Fantasy

Fallacy

Flare

Fire

Forgery

Fragments

Frozen

Frightful

Frighten

Phobia

Fer Sure

Gore

Glamour

Grind

Grindcore

Gangsta

Grave

Grind

Grotesque

Ghostly

Horror

Hazard

Hardcore

Haunting

&Hearts;

Heartless

Hectic

Hellacious

Harmful

Hindenburg

Haters

Hopeless

Heroin

Homicide

Impurity

Imprisoned

Isolation

Infanticide

Insomnia

Jealous

Jackknife

J’taime

Jolt

Kissable

Klepto

Kickass

Ketamine

Kilter

Kore

Katastrophe

Korpse

Kaliber

Kadaver

Lonely

Lust

Languish

Liar

Laceration

Lachrymose

Lipstick

Lavish

Leeches

Loathsome

Lobotomy

LAWLZ

Massacre

Mascara

Malicious

Murder

Melancholy

Makeup

Mishap

Macabre

Machine-gun

Malignant

Maimed

Murder

Matrix

Mosh

Morphine

Malarkeys

Narcotic

Narcissistic

Ninja

Knives

Notorious

Necrophile

Nerve-gas

Nihilistic

Nocturnal

Outrageous

Obscure

Obscene

OMG

Oh Emm Gee

Passion

Patricide

Perfection

Peroxide

Party

Panicked

Queen

Questionable

Rad

RAWR

Radical

Random

Radioactive

Radiation

Rage

Rampant

Rarity

Ravage

Razors

Redemption

Rivalry

Rocket

Rockets

Rocker

Rogue

Revolver

Wrath

Stilettos

Star

Savage

Suicide

Scars

Scarred

Shotgun

Smash

Slam

Storm

Psycho

Tsunami

Skullduggery

Scandalous

Stomp

Throwdown

Tabasco

Terror

Terrify

Tornado

Toxic

Usury

Untouchable

Vaccine

Vanity

Velocity

Vicious

Velvet

Vigilante

Vintage

Vivisect

Vulgar

Wicked

Ouigi

Weeping

Weed

Whine

Wow

Core

Yield

Yesterday

Zap

Zoned-out

OR

Zodiac.

It's annoying. Can't tell you how much I hate getting a friend request from someone, and trying to figure out who the hell they are. 

"Brittany who? Brutal? Brittany Brutal? Who the hell is that"?

And it's not like I could tell who you are from that overly photoshopped picture you have. You look like a pile of walmart bags and eyeliner to me. 

SO

That concludes my rant tonight. I'll definitely be doing more soon.  (: Have a good night guys. I hope I got a smile out of you.