Don't know about tonight...

My depression is increasing every day.
I feel it eating away at me.
My texts aren't working either.
So even though I'm in a room full of people as I blog... I can't even begin to describe how empty I am.
I'm tired of liars.
Tired of broken promises.
I thought I could do this on my own. And I can't.
I don't think I'm strong enough to make it through until April.
Much less strong enough to make it through tonight alone....
I'm surrounded by loud gunfire...
What is this game...?
Uncharted.
They wanted me to play, but after a few minutes I could barely move my hands.
I'm miserable.
Why doesn't anyone tell me they love me...?
Does anyone love me?
Am I just another face...?
I hear repetitive scratching to my left.... Someone scribbling on a piece of paper. I know this girl doesn't like me. I know that. I also know that she's not actually drawing anything. She's literally just scratching the paper with the pencil. It's like she knows it's setting me off.
I'm being paranoid.
She couldn't know.
No one here knows.

The cat next to me sleeps funny.
Sleeps like a dog.
But his tongue sticks out of his mouth because of something in his mouth.
I don't remember what.
Poor cat.
I'm disoriented.
I can't think.
I'm glad I didn't drive.
I think that I would have driven myself off a cliff. Or... What do they have out here...?
Sand dune.
I would have plowed into a dirt hole.
I would almost go as far as saying I'd like to jump in a frozen pond.
Break the top ice,
And get stuck underneath.
I'd like to freeze, become numb...
and slip away.

I won't, of course. This is just fantasy.
I should probably get back to the game.
They've lost. Multiple times.
I wish I could move.
I'll blog later.