Here I am again.

Mood: Confused, hurt.
Where am I: In my bed, in the dark. Thank you sleepless nights.




Same place I was in this past September.
Hurt... confused. Betrayed. Why would someone do this to someone else?? Like- why would someone go to such great lengths to lie and hurt someone else?
I'm texting my ex right now. 
(How weird is it to call him my ex.)
And we're "catching up" on everything that's been happening since we broke up. And I can honestly say it isn't catching up, as much as awkward, almost hateful conversation. 
Isn't that crazy?? 
How you can go from telling someone your secrets, laughing with them, and then going to text conversations filled with bitterness?


I can't stand it.
Every text filled with hatred. What did I even do to get this?? I don't even know. It's impossible to have a civil conversation to figure this out.
Something about me being with other men since the breakup. 
Really, blog. 
If I was with other men, do you think I'd be sitting in my room at 10:10pm blogging?
I don't even know. 
I hate this.
Someone I actually trusted, is now throwing punches at me. 
Wasn't this why I stopped trusting everyone in the first place?


I think the worst part is, that I actually am telling the truth about the whole situation. And I'm still taking shots from him.
I know he just told someone he misses me. I know he's just too stubborn to let himself admit it. 
So that brings me to this spot.


I'm a bit sad. Laying in bed. On skype with nolan, letting it all show. My face... I know I'm crying. But I can be woman enough to admit I'm crying for my ex.


Not because I pity myself.
No.
Because I pity him.


He's too stubborn to let himself be happy. Even a confession would set himself free. An apology. Doesn't matter. He's hurting, and I can happily admit, I hurt for him.


I know he's trying to hurt me.
I know he's mad.
I know he's upset right now. I can tell.




I guess I should get off this subject, hmm?


Isn't this what I preach about? I woman talking about an ex online? 
Ohhh pathetic. 
But my blog is my sanctuary.
I can talk about whatever the hell I like here, right?


My cyber therapist. 


So... My day.


I woke up late. Got on skype to show nolan something funny. I think I might start making youtube videos about it. (no hints)


Didn't get to leave like I planned.... So I've been home all day. Haha
Nothing much else to report. 


But ah...
I think it's time to end this session, cyber therapist. 
You need sleep too, I suppose. 
So goodnight everyone.