A white page is intimidating

My day wasn't really eventful. I went to will's house tonight to play some video games. Black Ops.... and I repetatively got shot in the head, and the nuts, as will told me that he wouldn't shoot me. Needless to say, I'm also jealous of his phone, which has a PSP controller built into it. 
But the day itself was uneventful. 
I played online, mostly. 
Got a new outline for facebook, which is harder to navigate through, and honestly freaks me out. It shows every little post, down to the month that you put it up. Which is weird... I hate knowing that all of that information is just out there for the world to see. 


What's funny, is that my mind is spinning out of control, and I'm still trying to type an organized blog.
I can barely think for myself, and here I am, sending a statement out to the world.
I feel like an absolute mess with tears in my eyes. Listening to "I can't make you love me", by Bonnie Raitt. (Click here to listen. )
This song is speaking to me right now. The lyrics almost feel like a blanket around my heart.
It's amazing how a song can open your eyes when you feel blind.
And this song just made me see something.
Forgive me for sounding like a hopeless romantic when I say this... but you can't make anyone love you. You can't.
You can beg, plead, cry... but nothing will make a person's heart want you.
Sometimes you have to accept things in life. Whether you like it or not, 
as Bonnie Raitt states,
"I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it wont".
And as hard as it's been for me to accept that, 
I guess loving someone truly means that you want them to be happy. No matter where they are, what they're doing, who they're with in life. 
And I can beg, I can tear myself to pieces trying to make something happen. But when it comes down to it, I can't do a thing to change the future. It's going to happen the way it was meant to be.
I'd be lying to you if I told you that I wasn't crying.
I'm not going to pretend that today's been easy. Because it hasn't. 
And this is my blog. I'm allowed to tell the truth.
I'm so angry. So upset. So hurt.
When you literally spend nights upon nights holding onto your phone, just pleading with the silence to break with a phone call. A text. You learn how strong you are. How much you can take. 
When you're the person with tears streaming down your face every night, and the person that wakes up ready to try again and take on the world, hoping that the next day will be different than the rest. That's how you know how strong you are. 
Someone has to really have guts to pretend they aren't suffocating every day. And I can't stand here on a high horse and pretend I'm the strongest person. 
I'm not.
I'm not strong at all. 
If you could see the way I am right now.
I know women who have never shed a tear. Throughout abuse, death, heartache. 
And I admire them so much. I envy their strength.
But here I am. Willing to die for what I believe in... but I can't even do it with a dry face.
Why do things like this have to be so hard?
I'm not a very open person, so when I say I love someone,
it's not a joke. It's not something that anyone should take lightly.
I don't lie about the way I feel towards someone.
I don't.
I wonder if you can literally die from heartache. 
Can you stop breathing if your heart bursts?
What do I even do from here. 

I can honestly say...

You know... I'm tired of you men. To get ready, you: take a shower, brush your teeth, simply "get dressed", throw some shoes on, maybe some fragrance,  get breakfast, grab the wallet, and go.


DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT TAKES FOR A WOMAN TO GET READY?


Even the simplest place in the world, like going to school or work, sends a woman spiraling into a morning frenzy. You know what we have to do?
In the morning, we have to:
-Take a shower,


-dry our hair,


-style our hair,


-put makeup on,


-match the makeup with the hair,


-find clothes (and they WONT match the makeup and hair the first 4 times we try on an outfit )


-Match shoes that match the outfit, that matches the makeup, that matches the hair...


-Jewelry, to match the shoes, that match the clothes, that match the makeup, that match the hair...


-Brush our teeth,


-perfume.


-Find our purse, and proceed to stuff crap in it,
(we keep the world in our purses.)


-Find our phones,


-Run through the kitchen finding breakfast (because now we're getting close to being late, even though we woke up at the crack of dawn.)


-And run out the door.


What men also don't realize, is that 
even after we get out the door, 
the possibility that we could encounter NUMEROUS problems,
like a makeup disaster later on,
hair disaster,
bad mood,
bad day in general, 
uncomfortable shoes,
didn't bring something in our purses........ the list goes on. 


Some of you may say... 


"You don't need to wear makeup, or do you hair. That'll take time off".


Well guys, 
women ( for the most part)
Don't do ANY of this preparation for your gender.
We do it for our own.
Women constantly criticize each other, whether or not we personally know the other female or not.
But if we ARE dressing up to impress men,


There are a few studies that PROVE that men like women with makeup at first glance better than those without. 

"Now some answers come in a new study by social psychologist Nicolas Geugen (Geugen, 2008). In his experiment, reported in the North American Journal of Psychology, Geugen had two young women sit in a bar in France, in the first condition with makeup on, and in the second condition with their faces simply cleaned and moisturised. Then they waited for men to chat them up.

When a man tried to start a conversation (nonverbal behaviours didn't count) one of the women signalled to experimental confederates that contact had been made by crossing her arms. Then she politely turned the man down, saying they were waiting for friends to arrive.

This procedure was repeated over 60 observational periods of one hour in two different bars. Here's what happened:

• No makeup condition: The first man 'made contact' with the two women after an average of 23 minutes, and thereafter they were hit on 1.5 times per hour.
• With makeup condition: The first man tried it on after only 17 minutes and the average number of chancers per hour was 2. "

( Taken from http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/02/womens-makeup-draws-33-more-men.php )

Women who wear makeup are also shown to bring in 33% more men than those who go natural.

Besides the makeup though, doing all of these morning rituals makes a woman feel good about herself. 

You'd be surprised what even a pair of matching bra's and panties can do for a woman.

Have a good day everyone (: Sorry for the rant. See you tonight.