Okay, I'm going to pretend I'm the more mature one here.

Let's get this straight. I don't feel like I want to be mature tonight. 
I don't want to behave myself, and I don't want to give a damn about anything that's happening. 


I thought tonight was going to be great. All I got, though, was an...


Well god damn it. 


I want to write a vicious blog. I want to talk about things I'm holding inside, but I just can't. 
I should be able to... this is MY blog. But for some reason I'm holding back. Why?


I'm in a pissed off mood, even though I want to pretend I'm not. I want to pretend that nothing in the world is bothering me... and I'm just one tough cookie. 


I'm...


Well see. There I go again. Stopping this blog to think before I write. That's not my style. I just let every thought I have flow through my fingertips. 


I'll just have to start from the beginning. Tell you my day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I went to bed around 4am this morning. After blogging for you guys, I just couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried.
And I woke up at 7am. It was weird, because I didn't wake up because of an alarm clock or anything... I just woke up, feeling refreshed at 7am. I texted Sean, and then fell back asleep. ( I had  an anxiety attack this morning, around 2am, as well. )
I woke up again at 10am, to find that my mother hadn't gone to school yet. She was downstairs getting ready. Something about no class this morning...?
I waited patiently in my bed for about 30 minutes, until she left. I then went outside for my morning smoke.
I've found myself wanting to chain smoke like crazy, recently. Seeing as though I'm almost out of cigarettes, I've been trying to conserve.
I came back inside, upset. 
You know how certain smells can bring back memories? Well the smell of Marlboro Smooths brings back a memory that I try my best to forget throughout the day.
So I immediately went into my shower mode. Running throughout the house finding a towel, clean clothes, ect. 
I found everything, and got in the shower. Mostly just to lay down and forget I exist. 
I realized that I have an Axe shower gel in my shower, that has a menthol effect. 


(Click here to look at something funny I just had to do.)

I rubbed that all over my face, only to realize shortly after,
That the menthol made it burn like hell. Fun fact of the day- don't put Axe shower gel on your face.


After my lovely shower, I blow-dried my hair and did my makeup. I decided that I wouldn't be going anywhere, but at least I could look nice on skype for Sean later. 
My mom came home, and then left again. She went shopping at Wal*Mart for some things, and I took the chance to go out again and smoke in peace. 


I'm having an anxiety attack. 
Fuck.
I need to lay down. Brb.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I find it funny that I took the time to write that I was having an anxiety attack. Total win. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My mom came back, and then decided that she wanted macaroni and cheese. SO, she took my brother, and they went to safeway. (Change of scenery perhaps?)

(Don't you try to tell me I spelled "Safeway" wrong, computer. I'm not in the mood. )


I smoked, yet again. I guess I just had feelings piling up, and I didn't know how to deal with them without shoving cancer through my throat. 
I remember that cigarette going by really slow. I wanted to get back inside and wash my hands, and it just didn't seem to end. 


And after watching "Planet of the Apes" over dinner, I skyped with sean. Which was great. I haven't 'seen' him in quite a while. It was nice. 
But it didn't have the best ending.
I suppose I just need to suck it up. I'm done bitching. 
I'm a fucking adult. 


So yes... that was basically my day. I'm planning on having a similar day tomorrow. 
Or... today.
Wonderful... it's 12:04am.


This blog post was pointless. 
There. 
FUCK IT.