It's dead, Jim.

For lack of a better blog title, I put "It's dead, Jim". Have you guys ever seen that? If you have Google Chrome, and your server crashes- that's what pops up. That, and a little block man with a scarf. It's great.


I don't know, guys. I've been procrastinating recently. I've been writing a really long blog post for you ... and I've been getting pretty frustrated with the topic. So I've just been saving it and going back to Facebook, trying to forget about subjects that get me down. 


I've been sick too. Started with just a simple sore throat, and progressed into something vicious. (Like the Lykan of illness.) 
I now have a runny nose, sore throat, stomach ache, headache, a cough, and an overwhelming urge to sparta-kick the nearest person to me. 
Thank you, whoever got me sick. 




It's not just the physical hurdles I've been having lately, though. Right now especially- it's something more mental. 
As I have previously mentioned... I'm not too fond of my life here in Pueblo. I'm excited to be moving back as soon as possible (April 25th) to Loveland, Colorado. 
That's really going to be the highlight of my year, I believe. I'm finally going to be somewhere that I'm really happy, and I'm going to be on my own for once. 
Everything about April is going to be exciting for me. 




I would feel really foolish explaining how I feel on my blog... because I'm well aware of the people that read it. 
Don't get me wrong, I love that you read my blog. I'm happy that I'm able to share this with you. I'm just... afraid of how you'll look at me for saying what I want to say.
Silly, hmm. 
You could take it wrong though. Misinterpret what I'm going to say, and stop reading before I get to finish. 


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


So I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal. 
I'll promise to spill my guts, if you promise to read the entire section below, to ensure that you know the entire story before you go off on me about my "problems"... alright? Okay. 


I promise I'm not that bad of a person. 




So let's get started.


I'm feeling a little... what's the word... alone. I know that there are people I could talk to... and I know that there are places I could go tonight to get out of my own head. But I just don't want to go. What I really want to do, is just snuggle up with my laptop- eat ravioli- and skype.
It's a total possibility. I guess what I just really want is some super cutesy loving from my boyfriend. 
(See this where, if you stopped reading, I'd sound like a needy bitch. )
It's not like that though. It's not that I'm just like, "Oh my god... I need my boyfriend because I love him and blah blah blah blah blah blahhh". 
No. 
I genuinely enjoy his company. And I'm tired of the stupid conversations I have on a daily basis here. 
Like... I'm tired of everything I say having "your face" added to the end of it. (That's my brother, for you.)
Or my mom cackling (Yeah I used that word. What of it. ) at things I'm serious about. I suppose I just want someone who gets me entirely as company. And so far... there are only a select few people like that. And they're all up north. 
For those of you that have no idea on a map WHAT I'm talking about, here you go:

(Aren't I awesome? I drew you a little path on the map so you know where Pueblo and Loveland are. Not so easy on a laptop touchpad. )


So yeah. Basically, I'm at point "A". My heart, is at point "B". In April, I'll be moving up to point "B". 




Back to what I was saying though... ( Don't leave, I'll still look like an ass. )


I want decent conversation, and to feel loved. None of that actually happens at my house... I'm more used to blogging about my problems than actually confiding in my family. So you can imagine how I feel after coming back from visiting my boyfriend up in Loveland last week. 
I had everything I could possibly want that week. Food, drinks, love, a cuddly boyfriend to sleep with, laziness, good conversation, no hassle over smoke breaks. 
I was just all around relaxed and comfortable. I didn't have to worry about being home at a certain time. I didn't have to worry if the people I was around were going to start playing trumpet bright and early every morning. (At my house, it's around 6am, every morning.)
I didn't really have to worry about anything. Everything I wanted was right there. All of it. 
And then I have to come back to this god forsaken life back in Pueblo, where I have a bugle boy wake-up, a cold bed, and constant stress. 
I don't suppose it would even be that bad if I had some way out. Like a job or something. But since I'll be moving out soon, I quit everything to prepare for the move. I don't have anywhere to go all day, and I don't hang out with anyone. 
How am I suppose to be keeping a level head, and staying positive when my only human I have besides family, is the cashier at our local Wal*Mart. (I always seem to get the same one. )


It's getting to the point where even the simplest of things pisses me off. 
Like this. 

(Ahha. Ahhhaaaaaaaa. Laugh at my nerd joke. )
And I specifically wanted CHEESE ravioli. I don't usually like the meat stuff. What do they do? Eat my cheese ravioli, and give me a couple of the meat ones. 
It's small... it's not a big deal... I'm not THAT bitchy. But really? That's my food. I won't eat the meat ones because of my feelings about meat. 
(Another blog for another time. Story short: I have a problem with animal meat. )
That's just another thing I have to get up and re-do.


I'm sick. I want to lay down. Relax, you know? But it's seemingly impossible with everyone thinking that they can go in and out of my room like it's a hallway. Hello my dears... I do have feelings too.
(Crazy... she's got FEELINGS?)
I guess what I'm trying to say... is that I'm just done with bullshit. There's 80 days until I have freedom... and I don't know if I'll be able to stand another week of the stupidity I'm being dealt. 
Maybe I'll just do some more thinking, cooking... and retreat into my room for some heavy "Peach tea, and Criminal Minds" time on Hulu. 


I really hope you're all having a good day... and if not, I'm sorry. My blog post probably didn't help. 
On the bright side, that was my whole speech. Yes... I still feel bitchy. But at least I feel that way, knowing I got it out there and it's not all inside of me now. 
If you've been reading this whole thing... Thank you. You've really done me a favor by sticking with me and not giving up on the first sentence. You're something else.
You know... if you enjoyed this rant, be sure to tell me. 
If you enjoyed ANY of them, in fact, go on and let me know. 


As much as I wish I was a mind reader, and could tell how you're feeling, I can't. So help me out (: 


Thank you guys. 
Have a good night.