But here.
This is the official blog. My official story of what's been going on.
If anyone has questions as to what's been up with me, I'll send them here. Tell them that this is what happened, this is the feeling.
I don't want any more questions, and I'm tired of the texts asking me "What the hell".
So without further ado, here's my official answer to all of that.
I am back with Sean Peyton.
There were months where I was confused... wondering if anything more was going to happen with our relationship. Both of us were trying to find ourselves. I thought I would be able to move on, and ignore the fact that we had even had a relationship in the first place. But I was lying to myself.
There were countless nights where I was just laying in my bed, crying. Wondering what the hell was going on with me... wondering why I couldn't sleep not knowing if he was alright.
I thought the feeling would pass.
There's a scientific study on the time it takes to get over someone.
Basically, it takes half the time you dated someone to get over them.
(So if you dated for 6 months, you would need a 3 month period of "down time" where you dedicate time to yourself, instead of engaging in any relationship/fling.)
If the relationship really wasn't worth your time, you would be feeling drastically better after that time.
I went the full "down time" with no improvement. I went to sleep wondering if I would ever cure the ache I felt in my heart.
And then when Sean and I began talking again on a regular basis, I realized how happy I was becoming.
Of course, I had been able to have momentary feelings of happiness while he was gone. It wasn't like I was so dependent on our relationship, that I was walking around like a zombie.
But I wasn't truly happy.
As fun as it was during the day, I'd still go to bed feeling like a part of me was missing. He felt the same. But there was too much pride involved to do anything about it.
So that brings me to the recent events.
The pride is gone... we were able to talk everything out, and work out the differences between us.
I'm typing this, as I sit on his bed, watching House, and seeing him work.
I'm sitting here happy.
And last night, as I went to go to sleep, I closed my eyes with a smile on my face, and began dreaming.
I haven't had any dreams that I could remember since the breakup.
This is what makes me happy. This is how it is.
I honestly couldn't care less what anyone thinks of the situation, considering that the opinions people have been so kind to give me, don't really have any sway in what's going to happen. So really, it's okay to keep them to yourself.
As I go through my life, I am ultimately alone. Relationship aside, I came out of the womb alone, and I will die alone.
My life is my own, and no one's thoughts, opinions, or drama will keep me from what makes me happy.
There are certain things that people should give up for other people. People need to be humble, understanding, and courteous to others for a working society.
I have no problem with that.
But honestly, how does MY relationship affect your life? Am I harming you? Is this choice stressing you out? Am I affecting your health? No? Then why inject your poisonous "advice" into my life? You're just fine, whether or not I'm dating whoever.
I've done a lot of "making others happy" in my life. But no more. I do not live for a single one of you.
And I don't say that with bitterness. I say it with logic.
My opinion will NOT change. This is what I want. And those of you who know me well, know that I'm more stubborn than the day is long.
So that's the story. I'd appreciate it if you all would save anything negative you feel obliged to share, to just keep it inside. Lock that down.
Life is short, focus on your own happiness, not mine.
Have a good day everyone, I'll be writing more later.
(:
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